Mental Health, Burnout, and Entrepreneurship — What Care Looks Like When I See the Signs
In November of 2019, I was 4 months into a brand new business and completely exhausted. I’ve talked at length about what led to me burning out, throwing in the towel, and essentially disappearing for months, but something has been missing from that conversation — mental health.
Last month, almost exactly 1 year after my disappearing act, I recognized an oh, so familiar thought floating around in my head: “I just want to skip this part”.
That thought shows up every year right around this time — it’s been showing up since elementary school shortly after the clocks change, as the days continue to shorten. And there’s a familiar weight that comes with it. Everything feels hard.
This past month — November of 2020 — when I noticed the familiar feelings of winter, I realized the new thoughts that have only started coming since I started my business: “Do I really want to keep doing this? This is a lot of work, and it’s only going to continue to be a lot of work. Can I hack it? I’m tired. Maybe I’m in over my head. Maybe I should just stop.”
Luckily, since last year, I’ve set myself up with a support network that holds me accountable to what I truly want, underneath the exhaustion. They are also people who support me in taking care of me first.
In addition to the external support, I’ve learned that so much of the pressure I feel comes from me and me alone — so when it all feels like too much, I’ve learned to look at myself and what I can let go of internally.
So this year, in November of 2020, giving up on my dreams isn’t happening. But what is happening is we are talking about mental health.
One of the single most common fears that I see hold entrepreneurs, or aspiring entrepreneurs, back from what they truly want to be doing is “what if I’m not consistent? I’ve not followed through on things in the past and I’m afraid of not following through on this because this really matters.”
For those of us with a history of repeatedly coming in hot and then burning out, we can find ourselves protecting our dream from us — not trusting ourselves to hold it and keep it alive so we keep it safely under wraps, waiting for the day that we believe we can do it justice.
I’ve been there. I was that person. And I learned a thing or two about coming in hot (and how to take it down a notch in the beginning). I’ve learned a thing or two about self trust. I’ve learned that inconsistency is not the end of the world and that dreams can be revived even if you do happen to give up for a minute. And I also learned that part of my burnout pattern was my mental health. And that I don’t have to do that part (or really any of it) on my own.
It certainly can feel like you have to figure it out on your own when mental health is generally just left out of the conversation. Productivity tools and spiritual bypassing are far more popular “solutions” if you feel like your business is eating you alive. But the reality is when you are the one running the show, you require a level of care that you have likely never given yourself before. And your business simply must allow you the space and time to take care.
Here’s what that care is looking like for me:
- Prioritizing basic needs
When I realized my mental health was suffering, I very quickly realized that I had been working long hours and was not exercising or eating well because I had convinced myself that I didn’t have the time to work out or cook. I felt exhausted but was having trouble sleeping as a result of late night phone scrolling. As a result, my work was completely unfocused because I was absolutely exhausted.
The first thing I did, in that moment, was get in bed. It was 11am on a Friday and I had hit a wall so I took a nap and took the rest of the day off.
That weekend revolved entirely around rest (which meant actively resisting the urge to work) and the following week’s schedule worked around me sleeping as much as I needed to, working out, and stopping work at 5pm to make dinner. Whatever time was left between my morning workout and dinner was what I had to work with, and it simply had to be enough.
I also took my own phone away at night — putting it on the charger after I washed my face, before headed off to the living room to watch some Netflix, and not picking it back up until after my morning coffee. Unsurprisingly, my sleeping issues were resolved within a day and I was in bed my 9pm every night.
2. Asking for help
When I noticed the signs, I told a friend and asked them to hold me accountable to making and keeping an appointment with my doctor (as well as 2 other doctor’s appointments I had been putting off). I told multiple people about the appointments to make sure that I would follow through.
Then I looked at my to-do list for the following week (and month) and found places where I could take things off of my plate. This meant either pushing things off until I had time, or finding things that I could hire someone to help me with in order to work within the time that is available when I am prioritizing sleep, exercise, and cooking.
Hiring help would not have been an option last year — and in that case things simply would have had to happen at a slower rate. This seems like it’s not a real option — but it is. Intentionally slowing down to avoid a full stop one month down the road is a clear win.
3. Setting boundaries
Not working is not easy. And often when work becomes a distraction it is no longer focused or productive work. Further, things take as long as you allow them to. Starting work at 7:30am and ending at 6pm rarely produces more than when I work from 11am to 5pm. It is simply that working from 11–5 requires me to not look at my phone every 5 minutes and to actually have a plan for my time.
Walking away from your work and entertaining yourself with your life is essential. And when finding joy, desire, or motivation in your life outside of your work becomes a problem, that may be a sign to get some mental health support.
For me this means absolutely no work on the weekends and absolutely no work before or after I wash my face (pick your benchmarks). For others, focused work on the weekend may be essential, especially if that is the only time that someone else is around to help with childcare, for example. The important thing is being intentional about time off.
4. Choose a few priorities each day
If it all feels like too much it is time to release the expectation of doing it all.
I have begun choosing 1–2 things to focus on each day. It is easy to feel like it all needs to be done right now (or yesterday) but you simply can not do it all and moving something forward is all you need.
5. Trusting that it is enough
Pushing harder or “just sucking it up” is a good way to burn yourself out. Scaling back and prioritizing your basic needs first will likely feel incredibly uncomfortable — and feeling like the world is going to crumble if you slow down is likely a sign that you are headed for burnout.
Your job is to trust that if you are taking care of yourself and setting even 1–2 priorities each day, it is enough.
Even if you can not work on your business at all right now because of the care it is taking to keep you healthy, it is still enough — it has to be. Pushing beyond what is healthy only means your hand will be forced later.
